The Homeland

Recently it's occurred to me that as I grow older my chances to settle down in a new place are less and less. I would really like to move to Korea and live there for a while. I haven't been since I was a little under two but despite that it still feels like my home. If I go I'm not even sure that I'd be happy there but for some reason the thought of leaving has been stuck in my mind for a long time now. I think if I don't go I'll regret it for a while. It's not without it's downsides though leaving means traveling half way around the world. No one would be able to help me there and no one would know me. I'd be a stranger in a strange and far off place. I'll have to decide sooner or later hopefully I make the correct decision if there even is one.

What to do?

Recently I broke up with my girlfriend of a couple months. I broke up with her simply because I like her too much. It sounds stupid but I know I'm not ready to seriously date someone and probably won't be ready for a while. Knowing she was falling heavily for me and that I was falling for her meant I'd have to risk hurting her a lot because I can't handle that kind of emotional attachment now. I told her all of this honestly and plainly because I knew of no other way to do this in a manner that would be as painless as possible. She told me that she understood but that she would wait for me and love me as much as I would allow. Maybe sometime in the future if she is still interested we could have a shot at something wonderful but for now I'm doing what I believe is right and good for both of us especially her. I still would like to apologize I should probably push you away and shut you off so you can simply get over me but I cannot do that. I truly have fallen for you quite a bit and it's just too hard for me to let go that easily. I'm sorry for any tears this will cause and while I can never truly understand your pain know that I'm not unscathed from this. If I could I wish I could take every once of pain and suffering out of her life but as it is I know I'm only adding more. Mianhamnida.